Last night I raged and really I didn’t just rage, I RAGED. I normally do not get mad at games. Sure I am upset in WoW when raid bosses do not go our way, but normally I do not get really frustrated with video games. I see it all the time though when the hubby is playing Dark Souls, Demon Souls, or Bloodborne (really any and all of the souls gaming are rage inducing) so I created the Four Stages of Rage.
Stage 1 – Grumbling
- You have died or failed your objective once. It is annoying but you are pretty sure it will take just one more try and you will complete your objective. You might sigh a little bit or mumble to yourself some minor obscenities but really if you do beat that boss or complete the mission the next try, you knew you could and it is not a really big deal anyway
- Rage factor = 1-3
- Obscenity level = Minor – could be said in a PG movie
- Common quote – “I got this.”
Stage 2 – Posture
- OK so that first time you died, it was fine and it happens to the best of us and you were just learning the fight. But that second and third time were completely uncalled for. If you just sit up and focus you can beat the boss this time. Make that back nice and straight, scoot your butt up closer to the edge of the chair, place your feet firmly on the floor, and if you are playing with a controller, hold it steadily in front of you. Focus and you got this!
- Rage factor = 4-6
- Obscenity level – Mild – You are pushing into a PG13 rating
- Common quote – “You have GOT to be kidding me! I mean c’mon how is that even possible.”
Stage 3 – Force
- This is the fourth time you have died and it is crap. Nothing is going your way. First there are about 10 extra guys have to fight. Then the boss pulled out a totally BS ability and killed you in one shot. You squeeze your controller really hard or push the keys on your keyboard with more force than what is needed. You are pretty sure if you would just mash the “X” a bit more than the system would have registered it and you would have hit faster, harder, and wouldn’t have died. Sometimes you shake or tilt the controller and that is sure to help you dodge attacks. Everyone knows the more force you put behind your button mashing the better you do. You will definitely beat the boss now since you are using all of your strength!
- Rage factor – 7-10
- Obscenity level – Medium – You are a PG13 rating and one more F-word and you are going into an R mister!
- Common quote – “This is horseshit! Did you see that? Did you? I see how my abilities just passes right through them and they hit me every time. I was like 40 feet away!”
Stage 4 – Rage Quit
- That is it. You are done. The game is cheating and you are pretty sure there is someone on the other end playing the bosses and laughing at you as you die. You turn off the system before you throw the controller into the screen or bash the monitor with the keyboard. You will have to wait and play until you cool down some. It could be 1/2 an hour or three weeks. But a break is needed for sure.
- Rage factor = Turn it up to 11
- Obscenity level – You are rated R, but some of those words you are using are confusing the MPAA since they are a mix of 2-3 curse words and you might just be banned from theaters.
- Common quote – “Fuck this game.”
Like I said, last night I RAGED. I hit stage four after I died five times to some stupid androids, who cheat and know where you are at all times no matter how sneaky you are. Oh and they choke the life out of you and no matter how fast you mash the A button you cannot beat them more than once. Plus the jerks grabbed my wrench mid air! Screw that game….I am done….until tonight that is. And tonight those androids will have no idea what is coming.